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The Single Woman Stigma


There is nothing wrong with being single.

No, I really mean it.

Nothing wrong at all.

Not just "in the mean time" or "in lieu of"

It's not "Just okay".

It's pretty freakin' awesome to be single actually.

But I find myself always having to justify it, to explain it. "Why?"

Even to myself.

I find myself, actually found myself just now, always apologizing for it

so that people understand,

there's nothing WRONG WITH ME for being single.

There's nothing that I'm missing, I'm not diseased or cursed or psychotic or

challenged in any particularly unattractive way.

I'm not unattractive at all.

Actually, and not to brag, I've been told the opposite.

I'm very attractive. I'm a pleasure to be around, funny as hell, and I'm a great friend.

So what's wrong with me that I'm "still single"?

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!!!

I'm totally awesome! And my awesomeness doesn't hinge on having another person

attach themselves monogamously to me.

I wouldn't be MORE awesome or better off if I do find someone to share myself with.

And the more I grow and get to know myself the more I realize the answer to the

"Why are you still single?" question is simple:

Because I want to be.

Or more specifically I want to be who I am right now and if part of that is "single" then,

heck,

Okay. I'm not "wanting to be" anything else.

I haven't admitted that to myself before. I've been disconnected from myself in many ways, not realizing the full extent of my awesomeness I guess. But when it comes right down to it,

down to "brass tax" as my grandmother would say, I didn't ever choose to focus any serious amount of energy on "finding a man"

"hitching a man"

"catching a man"

"trapping a man"

Instead, my time is spent raising a man, who is particularly awesome himself and I feel

that's the best investment for my time.

But there are other single mom's that date plenty; that have steady boyfriends, or multiple boyfriends or have even remarried and have husbands. And it's not that I'm raising a young man that I don't have any of those.

It's because of me.

Just me.

The way I am and where my attention goes to.

I chose to go back to school.

Not to get a man

to get an education.

And I'm interested in ideas and thoughts and thinking them and discussing them more then I've

ever been interested in people and what they're into or what they're doing or who they're doing it with.  Not that I'm antisocial:

I'm usually the life of a party.

So that's not why I'm single.

And I'm not single because "I just haven't found the right one yet".

I'm single because deep down inside, I want to be.

I want to be single.

I enjoy my own company.

And I enjoy the company of my close friends and I'm fulfilled by the relationships I have RIGHT NOW and don't think a relationship with a boyfriend would be better then those. It might be a great addition to an already great lot, but that's it. It wouldn't have improved me or completed me or somehow fulfilled me in a way that all the love I have in my life right now is somehow not doing.

Because it is doing it.

I'm actually happy!

I adore my son and my dog and I'm not missing out on anything by not being in a relationship.

My life isn't lacking in anyway.

And THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!

I'm good.

All good.

Not just "alright" or "alright for now".

I'm ALL right , RIGHT NOW, not missing anything or missing out on anything. I'm whole,

complete, satisfied and HAPPY as I am.

Loved.

and there's really,


no REALLY,


nothing wrong with that.

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